Have you ever contemplated why you’re still with him? I know I have! Sometimes we choose relationships for all the wrong reasons. Looking back, I remember one in particular that had obvious redflags and needed to end. But what was it that took me so long to take action?
Relationship expert, Patrick Wanis, says, “We all need a sense of security as it is one of our key emotional needs”. But if we are staying in a relationship with significant red flags or for no other reason than status, financial security, sex… you are probably in a relationship for the wrong reasons. Ending a relationship is a painful process no matter what. There are a lot of reasons people might avoid pulling the trigger, especially when it comes to hurting someone you once cared about (or perhaps still do). However, prolonging a relationship to keep someone from feeling hurt will only intensify the pain. If you recognize any of these signs it may be time to reevaluate your relationship. Let’s look at the top signs you may be in a relationship for the wrong reasons.
6 Signs You’re In A Relationship For The Wrong Reasons
Stability and Security
These are two natural human desires. You may experience fear that these things will be gone if you lose your partner. We often become comfortable with a current life situation, even if that means a dysfunctional relationship. Initiating certain change can be scary and it’s easy to focus on what we might lose. Is it worth sticking with someone for the sake of this security? Tempted to give into the fear of being alone? I empathize; it can be hard when waiting for the right one, but it’s not worth compromising your standards and values. If you’re having to do this, you’re NOT with the right person.
A great component of a healthy relationship, but it should not be the sole focus of your partnership. If it is, there’s a problem. Sex should stem from emotional and relational connectedness to your partner. If you are worried this may be an issue in your relationship I would encourage you to read, The Intimacy Struggle by Janet Woititz.
In a long-term relationship, you may feel like the next natural step should be marriage. Pressure to take the plunge into holy matrimony may be a genuine concern, but remember that this is YOUR relationship, something to take ownership of. Boasting status of high school sweethearts is not a good enough reason to make a life-long commitment. Take time to consider, seek wise counsel, and have meaningful, intentional conversation with your partner.
Family or Friends
Who are you in this relationship for? Mutual relationships with your significant other may be important to both of you. But close family and friends that impact or are directly tied to your relationship doesn’t mean he’s the ONE. His family may be all you ever dreamed of, but when doubts are consistent about the man himself, reconsider. If you do sense this to be a major reason why you remain committed, take some time to do some self-evaluation. You might discover this to be a sign your in a relationship for the wrong reasons.
Is the relationship built primarily on hopes for the future? Of course daydreams of children and owning a home and career success are a normal part of any relationship. However, do your conversations revolve around these future plans? Is the present state of your union hinged on what might come later down the road? A hope for change in the future rarely allows for joy and satisfaction in the present. Maybe it’s time to reflect and make the necessary changes.
Health and safety
Domestic violence and physical and emotional abuse are real. If this is in your relationship it is time to take action. According to the experts, 1 in 4 women (24.3%) and 1 in 7 men (13.8%) aged 18 and older in the United States have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. If you suspect you might be a victim, you are not alone. Seek help today and achieve healthy change!
There is no question that relationships can be challenging. When you stay for all the wrong reasons, a relationship can wreak havoc and bring turmoil to your life. On the other hand, you have the power to achieve great joy and find deep value in your special someone. If you want this for yourself, check out the book, Love Sense, or book an appointment with a relationship expert today.