Congratulations, you are engaged! Now comes the fun part where you get to plan your day to be exactly as you and your fiancé want it to go…or do you? As with any life transition, many friends and family will offer advice and suggestions to help you plan your special day. But who’s opinion carries the most weight? What do you do to keep you and your fiancé the focus of the day? How do you decide who makes the decisions on all the details involved with the wedding planning? These decisions can be overwhelming. The good news is this: Emily Post’s article says that traditional wedding roles are becoming obsolete, which means you can make your wedding uniquely yours! Here are some tips on how to stay in control of your wedding plans so you and your fiancé remain the focus of the day. After all, this is your day and the beginning of your happily ever after!
How to Stay In Control of Your Wedding Plans with Grace
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!
The first step is for you and your fiancé to decide what you want for your wedding. Sit down and discuss what is important to both of you for that big day. This is the time to determine how much you will value the opinions of others, who gets the final decision on the details and hear each other’s opinions about the ceremony and ensuing party. Brides, even if your fiancé says he just wants to show up for that day, make sure to include him. You never know when he will have an opinion and that should be valued. Grooms, make sure you let your fiancé know what is important to you. This may be a good time to adopt the phrase “I do not have an opinion” rather than “I do not care!”
The second step, is to communicate with your support system. Plan a meeting with all the people that will be heavily involved in the planning and financing of the big day. Usually, this would include bride, groom, parents or caregivers, and then any other important family or friend, especially if they are contributing any money for the big day. During this meeting, discuss and decide upon a specific, realistic budget. Be very clear about what each person is responsible for paying for and how much is available for that portion of the wedding. It is also a good idea to have these meetings throughout the planning process so that everyone stays on the same page and can give status updates. Share your vision every time you gather as to keep your wishes at the forefront. Communicate with respect and assertiveness to value the opinion of others but to maintain what you and your fiancé want for your special day.
Make a plan and work the plan!
Once the budget is set, the fun of planning all the details may begin! It is important that once you have made a decision that you stick with it. Too many changes can cause confusion and added stress. In order to avoid getting overwhelmed by all of the details of the day, choose three to five details that are most important to you as a couple, and spend the most money and time in those items. The rest of the details can be quicker decisions since they hold less “value” to you as a couple. It is a good idea to have one person that is the point person for all of the final details. If you hire a wedding planner, this is their job so feel confident that they can manage this. If you are planning and managing your own wedding, it could be beneficial to have a trusted friend or family member to help keep your wedding vision on track.
Learn to say “No, thank you.”
As you move through the wedding planning process there may be times that advice is given or someone may offer a suggestion that you or your fiancé do not like. It is okay to politely but firmly reject that offer. This may be difficult if that person is paying for all or part of the ceremony. However, you may respect their position but decline their suggestion if it is not what you want.
Planning a wedding can be a stressful event. At times, couples get completely lost in the planning of their wedding because the person paying wants to make all of the decisions or the couple does not speak up. However, remember that your wedding is a symbol of the commitment you two are making to each other to spend the rest of your lives loving only one another. The focus of that day should be on what you and your fiancé desire.
Prior to the wedding, I highly recommend you complete my online premarital course, as it helps you learn how to better communicate and resolve conflict with one another, and helps you prepare not just for the wedding, but for your lifelong marriage.
Want more information? Check out my other posts, Four ways to avoid letting wedding stress get the best of you, and Ready to marry? Four ways to be sure.
Here’s to your wedding being everything you’ve dreamt it will be!