Most people experience some hit to their sex life at some point or another. Sometimes we are affected by external factors like work, money or family. Other times our sexual experiences may suffer because of our own internal struggles. This may be because stress, anxiety or low self-esteem. Is our weight really tied to the level of intimacy or amount of sex that we enjoy? There are many overweight people who enjoy a healthy and enjoyable sex life. So how does your weight affect your sex life?
Loss of Libido
Research has shown that it is not necessarily our weight that affects our sex life. However, people who are trying to lose weight are more dissatisfied with their sexual life, especially women. A reason for this is that instead of concentrating in the moment with their partner and connecting, they are worried about other things. They may worry about what their bodies look like, what the partner is thinking about their body and what their partner is going to say. This is one reason people can lose interest in sex and intimacy with their partners.
The truth about weight, intimacy and sex is that intimacy isn’t just a physical act. Real intimacy – emotional and physical closeness – stems from trust and security in the relationship. Try staying in the moment with your partner while being intimate. If your mind starts to wander, remind yourself you are loved just how you are. You can work on your “flaws” later if you choose, now is not the time to worry about them.
Most of us have, at some point, felt self-conscious about our bodies. This is normal and it’s okay to have “off” days where you don’t feel your best. In a safe and trusting relationship you shouldn’t always have to be your best. Sex and intimacy in relationships can be affected by lack of self worth or self-esteem. Low self-esteem and self-worth may stem from not feeling attractive enough, being distrusting of others, and your experiences with trauma and abuse.
If you are having an “off” day or not feeling your best, ask yourself what you have control over? You may be able to change somethings about yourself, others you cannot. Learning to have self-acceptance is key. Make a list of 3 things you like about yourself and repeat them when you are feeling down. Ultimately self-esteem is about you but from time to time it’s okay to ask your partner for reassurance if you need a little boost.
Weight gain can cause you to feel tired often and this means that you might not feel up for sex when your partner does. The truth about weight, sex and intimacy is that the tiredness that weight gain brings can ruin your relationship. Most people that are struggling with their weight feel tired all the time and can see sex as a chore or something they must power through.
What does all this mean for your relationship?
The truth about weight, intimacy and sex is that your weight can in fact get in the way of sex with your partner. However, the way you feel about yourself and your weight matters more when it comes to a satisfying sex life. Make the relationship with your partner a priority, instead of the quest to lose the weight. Nourish your connection every day by showing your appreciation of your partner and showing interest in the things that matter to him or her. Spending quality time together and doing fun, exciting things can help you feel connected. Letting your partner know about your struggles with self-esteem or weight can be beneficial for your connection too. Let them in and allow them to offer support or encouragement.
What are some ways you’ve kept your sex life satisfying when you’ve felt distracted by worries or self-esteem?