What’s so special about make-up sex?
“It felt like we were so connected.”
“It was so hot!”
“I’ve never had a sexual experience that passionate!”
“We made love for hours and woke up more in love than ever!”
These are just a few things I have heard people say when they are describing make-up sex. People swear that make-up sex is the best sex. There is some science to back that up and you can read more about the truth about make-up sex here. It is an interesting change in the relationship dance. One moment you may be yelling and angry, the next you are engaging in a passionate, intimate encounter. This sounds great but maybe a little too good to be true, right? If you continue reading then you too can experience the benefits of make-up sex!
But really, why is it so good?
There is a reaction in our brains called an arousal transfer. This basically happens when you have a strong emotional response that gets transferred to another situation. When you are in an argument with your significant other, you are physiologically flooded with the negative emotions. Once the reason for the emotion goes away there is still a massive amount of emotion or arousal “left over.” If the argument is resolved (and sometimes even when it’s not) those big emotions may be expressed as a passionate intimate encounter. That is how you experience the benefits of make-up sex.
Is there a problem?
A passionate intimate encounter sounds like a load of fun. So, is there any danger or concern with experiencing the benefits of make-up sex? Well, there are two scenarios where make-up sex may turn into a big red flag for your relationship.
- If you are only having sex after a fight. If you begin to notice that you and your significant other only engage in sex after fights then this could be an indication that your emotional connection is struggling. Your relationship could be in danger and the make-up sex is what is keeping it together.
- The argument is not resolved. No matter how good the sex is, if the conflict has not made it to resolution then the sex could hinder progress toward resolution. If both people enjoy the sexual experience then it could promote a false sense of progress. However, if the sex goes badly, it makes the argument much worse.
While make-up sex can be fun and exciting make sure to be aware of the motives and the outcome of the argument in order to experience the true positive benefits of make-up sex.
How can I experience the benefits of make-up sex without conflict?
Because of that arousal transfer, it is important to recognize that the emotional experience is what feeds the excitement of make-up sex. Therefore if you want to have that excitement with no argument then here are a few tips:
- Improve the emotional connection with your partner.
- Spontaneously meet one of your partner’s emotional needs.
- Experience a new activity together.
- Try something different in your sex life.
- Get out of town.
Do you find the thought of make-up sex to be too far fetched? Are you and your partner just do the fighting part? Do you never have sex outside of making up? Do you and your significant struggle to emotionally connect or have sex at all? Are you never able get to a resolution in the argument? Any of these reasons are ones that we would encourage you to call or go online to schedule an appointment with one of the many relationship experts and Family Therapy Associates.