How to Put the Sizzle Back in your Sex Life
It’s the simple things that my husband does that often sparks my desire for him. Now, I confess I love a great date night on the town as much as any girl. Getting all dressed up and having a romantic candle lit dinner at my favorite restaurant or taking in a great broadway show can make this girl feel pretty darn special. But, let’s face the facts. Life isn’t all broadway shows, cute little black dresses and a pair of your nicest heels. Most days are stressful, full of work, kids homework, school lunches, board meetings, and the like. Our sex life can often be found neglected, lost. Slowing down for a night of passion and romance is often difficult when “real life” is anything but romantic date nights and getaways. So how can you put the sexy sizzle back into your real life and especially in your sex life? Well, here are a few ideas that work for us!
Sex begins in the kitchen.
Yes, I know that it has been said the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Though there may be some truth to that, I have yet to find any real scientific evidence of such. I can however tell you that for me, there is very little I find sexier than my husband both cooking and cleaning with or for me. After a long hard day of work, it’s such a delight to come home and not have to worry about taking on the chore of prepping another family meal alone. I find that we have more time to connect in the kitchen. I talk about my day. He listens and talks about his and we connect over more than just the pots and pans. When we share in the chores early, it’s often easier to have both the energy and connection to share in the love later.
Researchers have found that just as we have things that turn us on, we also have things that turn us off. These “brakes” in our brains can be things like work, stress, physical symptoms or problems, the never ending to-do list in our heads, and more. The more we can do to shut off the brakes for ourselves or our partner, the more ready we can be for sex and intimacy.
A relaxed girl can turn into a ready girl.
One of my favorite nightly rituals is a hot bath with a glass of wine. My husband knows at least one way to my heart is a bath full of bubbles and a glass full of bubbly. It is so sweet when he runs my bath and lights a few candles around the tub for me. There is something wonderful about just scanning Pinterest or fashion blogs and relaxing away in a hot bath for thirty minutes or so. When I am able to relax and reset myself, I find myself more ready and open to better connect to my husband. Whether that means a night of passion, or maybe just a night of cuddling with a silly romantic movie; we both feel more connected and open to the possibilities of a “night of passion” when we both have had time to take care of ourselves. In other words, that little bit of “selfish time” is important to make the best “together time.”
Researchers have found that the two hemispheres in women’s brains are actually more connected than men’s. What does that mean? Well, it means our brains are a bit more like spaghetti – everything is connected. One thought about one thing leads us to another, then another, then another. We struggle to shut off all the noise in our minds…and the endless to-do lists. As a result, it’s common for women to need longer than men to be mentally “ready” for sex. Engaging in a little relaxation can help everyone, but especially women, shut off the brakes and be more ready for intimacy. I encourage you to talk about what helps you shut off the noise in your mind. What do you need to relax and be ready for intimacy with your spouse? Share that information with your partner, so they can help you be more present and prepared for intimacy.
Be content with your who and continue to converse about your what.
Okay, let me be honest. The reality of passion we have in our relationship today is not the same reality we had on our wedding night a decade ago. Things change. The mystery of the “first time” has passed along with the sexy honeymoon lingerie many moons ago. Now the reality of flannel pjs and fuzzy socks have hit my husband squarely between his eyes. That does not mean the passion has died by any means. It just looks differently today than it did back then. So, when I reminisce about the old days, I need look no further than the one I am with. Though there is something wonderful about the days gone by, our greatest days together are still ahead. Through the years we have built a great familiarity with one another. Now I know what he likes and, he certainly know what I like too. There is a comfort in that familiarity of a communication filled Sex Life. Which means, I can be comfortable in telling him my individual emotional and sexual needs. Yep, even fantasies too. Now you simply can’t do that with anyone other than the person than your spouse.
That’s it for now. He’s in the kitchen now so, I’m gonna go see if I can bring him some sizzle. 😉