Does Someone You Love Have Anxiety? 8 Ways To Help

Most of us know what anxiety feels like or have loved someone with anxiety. If you have anxiety, you know exactly what it feels like. If you think you’ve never experienced anxiety, you can probably imagine how you would feel waiting for an important call, when your phone battery is at 5% and you’re away from home, where you left your charger. I’m sure you’ve experienced the heart drop and nervous sweating when a police officer pulls out behind you and you realize you are speeding. Get the picture? What if you felt that feeling more than just occasionally? What if you felt that way every day?

According to the Brain & Behavior Research Center, 18% of adults in the U.S. have an anxiety disorder. That statistic translates to 1 out of 13 people. That means if it’s not you, it’s almost certainly someone you know. Empathizing with something you may not understand can be difficult, so we’ve compiled a list of Do’s and Don’ts to help you love and support the person in your life with anxiety.

DO express your willingness to learn and understand

Anxiety manifests itself in a lot of different symptoms, so showing a willingness to learn about what your loved one is experiencing can help them feel supported and cared for.

DON’T force them to talk about it

Sometimes, just mentioning the word anxiety is enough for that person to start feeling the effects. Pressuring someone to talk about it may have the opposite effect you intended; they may shut down even more.

DO be available

Be ready to listen when they do want to talk. Use that time to better understand what you can do when they are experiencing anxiety.

DON’T lose patience

Anxiety is often a long, difficult road. Anxiety isn’t the same thing as just feeling nervous, afraid or worried. Anxiety can sometimes occur with no specific trigger or “reason.” It is important to be patient with the process and know that even after moments of improvement, they aren’t “cured.”

DO be proud of the moments they conquer worries and fears

Even small steps in the right direction or the simplest tasks can give them anxiety so celebrate the moments when they are successful. Those seemingly small victories are crucial steps to managing anxiety.

DON’T ever say, “get over it

Don’t minimize what your loved one is experiencing.  The fear of getting on the subway or the pressure of having a long to-do list may seem like no big deal to you, but for them, it can feel unbearable. Gently encourage them, but stay patient in moments when your plans might have to change so they can feel more comfortable.

DO recognize the symptoms

Anxiety can cause a variety of problems physically, mentally, emotionally, and behaviorally. Some symptoms can be seen – fidgeting, nail biting, sweating, difficulty breathing, while other symptoms may be invisible to you – rapid heartbeat, feelings of overwhelm, panic, or feeling frozen. Try to learn the ways your loved one is typically affected and ask what you can do to help them in those moments.

DON’T change who you are

Learning about anxiety and making efforts to understand your partner are great goals. However, changing who you are or suddenly acting like your loved one’s doctor will only put pressure on your loved one and probably result in them feeling even more anxious.

If you’ve read this far, you’ve likely identified someone you care about who struggles with anxiety. Remember, one of the best things you can do for them is be there for them – enjoying the times you have together, listening, laughing, playing, encouraging, and loving them.

On our fourth date, my now wife and I were supposed to go out to dinner and mini-golf.  I knocked on the door of her apartment, and her roommate hesitantly let me in. Then I saw her sitting so beautifully on her bed, in a panic. My future wife breathed heavily in tears and said, “I’m sorry, I’m not ready yet.” In that moment, my thoughts raced… Did I do something? Is she hurt? Is she breaking up with me? Why isn’t she ready? Why is she crying? With all those questions, one after another, racing through my mind, the words that came out were simply, “Hey, let’s just sit. Being here in this moment is enough.”

If you or someone you love is struggling with anxiety, our team of highly trained therapists specializes in helping clients understand how their anxiety impacts them and their relationships, along with practical ways to manage their anxiety – and we can help you too. Click here to schedule your appointment today.